Emotional Clean Up and Rebuild

August 2009 came and I finally had space to breathe metaphorically.  On a practical level the clean up of my old life was largely done, however on an emotional and spiritual level it was clear that I had lots to accomplish.  Not only was my love buzz gone, but I was getting tugged around by my cravings.  When I feel emotionally balanced I just like eating right and exercising and sexual cravings are at a minimum.  Lets just say that in August I was not emotionally balanced.  I was having to suppress these desires which I know is not healthy. 
So I made some changes.  I was inspired by three books at this time:
1)  When Everything Changes, Change Everything;  by Neale Donald Walsch
2)  Intimacy;  by Osho
3)  The Eternal Quest;  by Yoganada
They all recommended the same advice... meditate.  So that's what I did.  Instead of just meditating in the morning, I added an evening session (close to four hours total daily!).  Yoganada inspired me to use more self discipline.  So instead of caving into my desires to sleep in and drink coffee everyday, I forced some changes in behavior (the true spiritual paradox is when to just embrace and accept a situation versus when to change).  Yogananda also reminded me how important it is to keep a continual dialogue with the Higher Consciousness.  At first this was hard because I no longer had my passion, I no longer felt the presence.  It seemed like I was just faking this internal conversation.  But I kept at it.  Whenever I found my thoughts drifting through out the day I reoriented them towards the idea that a Higher Consciousness was right there with me.  I was honest with this partner.  I felt anger at God for losing my natural high.  I was frustrated I did not have that natural passion.  So I just said to God, this is all I got right now.  I was persistent and intent, but I didn't have the emotional power to back it up.  I prayed for that passion and asked for that loving presence to return.
I understood that this was just a phase in the many seasons of my life.  I felt lonely and uneasy at this time, but instead of trying to distract myself from these emotions I allowed them to be.  I did my best to just embrace the situation and let life bring opportunities to me.  Whenever I felt a craving, I reminded myself that lasting happiness cannot be found there and I would mentally cling to the Higher Consciousness.  
Very subtle changes started to occur.  I noticed more spontaneous opportunities to help others arise (this is the most powerful fuel for evolution) and I took advantage of every one.  I frequently made a mental note that I could let go of whatever expectations I had for the future if the Universe showed me a better path.  As these weeks progressed I became intertwined in more lives which started to lift my mood.  People started to come to me for advice which helped generate a feeling of self worth.  Any doubts I had about successfully applying the "tall promises" of Mindbody Medicine were fading away.  I was learning more and more tools to heal old emotions.
During this period I also spent hours reflecting on my past with journaling and using the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to let go of old traumas.  I knew my efforts were being rewarded, but progress was slow at this time.