Sunday, December 1, 2013

The Dust Settles

Despite attempts to keep the family together, it became apparent it was a painful lost cause.  I was strong in my intent and my wife understandably could not join the passion.  She deeply wanted me to just "snap out of it".  Every decision she tried to make was like walking on broken glass.  She could not live life comfortably and also share my priorities. 
During this period of time I noticed my love buzz disappearing.  I could pull it back if I closed my eyes and focused or stopped talking, but it was not there spontaneously.  I also saw my old personality reappearing.  This was a difficult time.  I felt the world trying to force me back into the old role of Roger and I was losing my natural internal resolve.  I started to question whether this epiphany was real.  Just at this time I was reading more of the Cyberspace Ashram for more inspiration... and I got it.  I encountered a post called "Layers of Aura" .  This page described how some individuals can have there negative aura (which obscures our spiritual abilities) dissolved by some "outside help" to create a spontaneous spiritual experience.  And this is most likely to happen on December 24th or 25th due to the worldly loving atmosphere!!  This chapter created just the fuel I needed to realize that not only what happened was real, but that I was given a once in a lifetime chance to evolve! 
I saw no other option but to ask for a divorce.  I could not survive spiritually in that environment and my kids were getting exposed to more marital turmoil due to our opposing priorities. 
I continued to devour the website and finished it in April 2008.  At that point I was not sure of my spiritual path.  I imagined opening a holistic donation based clinic and living in the country.  However my wife had moved with the kids down to Metro-Detroit.  A divorce was pending and I learned that the court could force me to pay support based on my previous income.  I was confused.  At this point I communicated with the author of the website (he was the only person I trusted).  I was surprised that he recommended reconciling with my wife and definitely moving to Detroit to be available to my kids.  He confirmed that my dream clinic would have to wait until I satisfied the expenses of a divorce.  In fact true spiritual progress might not start until my kids were 18 years old. 
The delay was okay with me, as long as I had a clear path.  Between April and August of 2008 I undertook a major life overhaul.  I finalized a divorce, closed my clinic in Petoskey, moved my family and myself and let me home slip into foreclosure (I had no choice).  I opened a new clinic and decided to completely change the way I practice medicine to Mind Body Medicine.  I discovered travel neurology as a way to meet my expenses.  I also did my very best to be loving and accepting of my wife during the divorce process. 
After the dust settled in August and I finally found myself with a few spare moments I was concerned to discover I could no longer generate my love buzz even though I had been practicing the Kriya Yoga meditation!  Something needed to change.

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