As the Universe would have it, I got a little jump start spiritually in late October 2009. It happened innocently and unexpectedly. I became aware of an attraction I had for a woman who I interacted with professionally. When this became conscious to me, I also realized the attraction was affecting my behaviors around this person. In the light of my value of transparency I knew that I had to communicate this to that woman. And so I did. I emailed her. Eventually we communicated and I told her that in my opinion I was not spiritually mature enough for a relationship. I believe happiness comes from within and until I have better control over my emotional state I will not be ready for a serious relationship. I feel that I need to be 100% whether I am with a partner or not, so as to avoid the common mistake of depending on the other for something that only I can foster... happiness. That common dependency often leads to both partners losing touch with their own inner passion in an attempt to be someone they think their partner wants. And of course when you lose touch with your inner passion, no one is happy any more.
Well I figured after communicating all this the pressure would be gone and we could go about our usual business. That was a miscalculation! It turns out the attraction was mutual and the more we opened up to each other about our feelings the more powerful the energy between us was. In fact this energy was nearly crippling and could not be ignored. Interestingly enough it seemed to be an entity of its own. Neither one of us had intentions to proceed with a romantic relationship on a rational level, but apparently our unconscious minds had a different idea. I was in a bind. The energy could not be suppressed, ignored or acted upon. But it occurred to me that if I could just somehow get this energy to move up to my chest... I would have my love buzz back again. I then recalled one of my favorite quotes:
Know whatever comes to you UNEXPECTED to be a gift from God, which will surely serve you if you use it to the fullest. It is only that which you strive for out of your own imagination, that gives you trouble.
I also remembered a statement by Yogananda that whenever you find yourself having a bond with another soul, know that this is special and you must have had experiences together in past lives! When you encounter this bond, it is an opportunity to learn how to grow a divine relationship.
So with that knowledge I knew that I must be careful to approach this relationship in the Highest Way. And that's what I did. It was clear that we were brought together so that we could learn to express and evolve our Higher Selves. More over this woman was at a stage in her life where she was ready for personal improvement. She gave me a copy of one of her favorite books "You Can Heal Yourself" by Louise Hay. I highly recommend checking her out.
Louise's book reminded me how our thoughts powerfully create future experiences. Her insights plus all of the affirmations were just the tools I needed at just the right time. That combined with insights gleaned during my Kriya Yoga practice helped me to define and foster a special relationship with this person. At the time of this writing it is still a work in progress, but my heart is telling me how to proceed. We thoroughly enjoy each others company and are learning rapidly about ourselves.
The most beautiful byproduct of this is my love buzz! It has come back! It is not as strong as last Christmas nor is it constant, but I can pull it up daily! I can feel what thoughts, words and actions are uplifting and which ones down pulling. I can feel what creates harmony in the mind body spirit connection. It is so affirming to know that with persistence and impeccability I am able to nourish the love light. Honestly it is a tiny little light. I cannot even say I feel "happy" when its on, but it already proving to be quite magical!
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