Be Active, Open Your Senses and Enjoy Sharing

An experience today reminded me of the importance of being active and keeping my senses open so as to be a vessel for sharing experiences.  Giving and receiving, especially exchanges with strangers where there are no obligations or expectations, is important for a healthy spirit.  In such relationships you know for sure that the only reason for relating is because both parties want to.  These types of relationships feel freeing because there is a flow of energy between both people and such relationships serve as a reminder of how all our relationships are meant to be.

Today was the first cold and snowy day of the year in Casper, WY.  I was tempted to stay inside and avoid the elements because of the weather.  But I felt a little niggling inside that it was important to get outside and walk through the neighborhood.

Immediately after walking outdoors I felt much lighter.  I was happy I had motivated myself to get outside and enjoy the light snow fall.  It was uplifting to see children playing in the snow and making snowmen.  As always, when I go for my walks I keep my senses open for sharing experiences.  I normally bring cash and often bring lavender oil which is a good first aid remedy.  I love providing my holistic clinic services "on the go" in this way.

Today while walking I heard a car honk its horn.  When I looked I noticed two boxer dogs standing in a busy street.  I called for them and both came wagging their short tails.  Neither had identifying information on their tags, but I was sure I knew their home.  I grabbed both by the collar to prevent them from being hit by a car and walked them home.  Fortunately both dogs were totally agreeable with the plan.  I love solving problems and I was grateful to be in the right place at the right time to help these two dogs.

Just before arriving at their home, another neighbor noticed me and grabbed one of the two dogs to help me return them home.  After completing that task, this person whom I had just met for the first time, asked if I would like some fresh vegetables.  She had a garden and it was going to freeze tonight.  Within minutes my pockets were bulging with beans and zucchini.  A delight for this vegetarian.  

When I got home and reflected on this evening's walk, I realized that in a brief moment I could have missed out on this whole experience if I would have been lazy and stayed inside.  I could have also missed out on connecting with my neighbors if I had ignored the honking car and the two stray dogs.  Sometimes there is just a brief moment to act and within a couple minutes you can manifest experiences which change the tone of your whole day.  Being in the right place at the right time is a gift which can fill your day with spiritual treasures.  Keep space in your life, be active and keep your senses open when you are out and about and start to manifest sharing experiences with your future friends.  Start connecting with your neighbors who may be just waiting to for your presence.

Favorite Spiritual Books, Movies and Websites

Books

Spiritual Treasures – Final Edition By Hans Neukomm (this is a free ebook)

A comprehension collection of spiritual teachings, notable for having many practical recommendations for making lifestyle and other life changes. The teachings also include detailed techniques for learning various spiritual practices and are easy to understand, even for those without a formal education. These teachings provide the foundation for Roger's spiritual path. They are available for download for free. If you are not familiar with using torrent software, unarchiving large files and verifying a file's integrity using a md5sum check, you may find this tutorial helpful: A Guide to Managing the Spiritual Treasures. If you would like to read a sample of the Spiritual Treasures, a few chapters have been published online independently, some of my favorite ones are in the collection: God is Love.

The Presence Process, Revised Edition By Michael Brown

A book with a 10 week program which teaches a simple form of meditation and provides a methodical way to apply spiritual principles throughout one's daily routine. The program's strength is that it shows one how to use their current life as a school for spiritual lessons. The goal of the author is to help other's learn to feel God's presence by developing their capacity to process emotions, while maintaining positive intentions. Near the end of the book, the author, Michael Brown shares a story of transformation that occurred while he was facilitating his program. It is available to read here: Clive and Nadine.

The Power of Now By Eckhart Tolle

This book feels soooo good to read. Eckhart Tolle became a spiritual author after a powerful spontaneous experience in his life. He had been uninterested in spiritual life and heavily involved in academics, but was miserable. He struggled with severe depression and anxiety. Over time he became more aware of his mind chatter and how irrational it was. One day he finally saw that he was not the mind chatter he had identified with and he had a deep life changing spiritual experience. This book describes his experiences and provides a unique and easy to understand description of ego and some spiritual exercises to help let it go. This book is written in a dialogue format. An equally awesome book is “A New Earth”, also by Tolle, also covering similar topics but in a story format.

Conversations with God, Book 1; By Neale Donald Walsch

Another super feel good book. After Neale went through divorce, lost his job, got injured and ended up living on the street for more than a year... he started asking some big questions with an open mind. This book was the result of a divine dialogue that ensued. I love this book because it is a reminder that anyone can directly commune with God.

Autobiography of a Yogi; By Paramhansa Yogananda

A sincere personal account of the life of a yogi on his path to God Realization and beyond. This book was full of pointers for me. It also stretched my mind as he recounts experiences beyond comprehension. Yogananda speaks highly of kriya yoga in this book. He dispelled the belief in me that one needs to be a monk living in seclusion to seek God Union.

Intimacy; By Osho

Osho has a unique view of humanity that is straight forward and feels so true. He reiterates many of the spiritual points touched on by other authors. Yet he finds his own way to touch on these topics and he inspired me to further meditation. I found it motivating to see a common thread of truth coming from totally different sources.

Peace is Every Step, By Thich Nhat Hanh

This book is written by a Buddhist monk who lived in Vietnam during the war. He has lived by example the belief that peace is achieved through inner work, not outer control of the world. This book is a short and simple tool that encourages the reader to become more present and mindful during their daily routines. He suggests using common daily distractors (such as a ringing phone or a stop light) as a reminder to come back to the moment of now. He makes breathing fun:)

You Can Heal Your Life, By Louise Hay

This book is primarily a tool which uses affirmations to help improve self appreciation. Louise touches on some of her own life experiences which taught her firsthand the importance of not listening to her inner critic. She healed herself of a vaginal cancer without using any medical treatments. Her confidence and authentic positive attitude is contagious in this work.

Movies

Summerhill

A movie based on a school in the UK which uses alternative teaching methods. The kids are given freedom to come to class or not and to pick their own curriculum. But when they do come to class, they must be serious about learning. All the rules used to run the school are determined in a group meeting where every persons vote is equal. The children have equal authority as the adults, and when given real responsibility the children use it appropriately.

Seven Years in Tibet

A true story of a mountain climber, who during WWI, escaped imprisonment in India by fleeing to Tibet. He ultimately became friends with the Dali Lama at the same time China took over Tibet. Major changes in his goals and personality ensued. Its a heroic story that starts off egocentric and ends spiritually oriented.

TheSoloist

A true story. An unlikely friendship develops between a Los Angeles reporter and a musically talented homeless man. Both lives are changed, especially the reporter's. This movie really made things stir inside of me.

Blind Side

The true story of Michael Oher. A super inspiring account of how a wealthy Southern USA white family ends up adopting an abandoned black youth. The support and love they offer ends up inspiring him to do his best in school and sports. He is now a professional football player. The family develops a sense of gratitude as a result of the friendship that resulted.

Websites/Blogs

All About the Happy Life

A website and blog written by a loving husband and wife who share their experiences on a joint spiritual path.

Spiritual Experiences

A blog written by Martin Ott sharing some of his spiritual experiences.

Healthy Mind Body

My website devoted to providing spiritually oriented resources for health and happiness. It is the platform for my holistic clinic and a place for anyone to find resources they can apply autonomously in their life.

Healthy Mind Body on FB

Inspired by the Magic of Love

A blog by Kasia Nowotniak.

The Cyberspace Ashram for Kriya Yoga, God and Love

My absolute favorite source of spiritual teachings. The most comprehensive and soul freeing collection of writings I have ever found :)

The Spiritual Treasures on FB

The Cyberspace Ashram on FB

A Female Companion

I mentioned in a previous post that I had met a female friend who I was becoming close to. Over the months of October and November we grew very close to each other. A sense of safeness allowed us to open up and share our deepest experiences. I had been in need of a friend for just this purpose.  On the other hand, I didn't feel ready for a love relationship and I communicated that to her from the very beginning.  However the relationship was complicated by a powerful sexual energy that would manifest frequently. My plan had been to wait for inner guidance for a solution to this mutual strong craving. Time was not healing this one or providing a solution. In November I decided I had to either invest in the relationship wholly or leave it completely. I can honestly say at that stage I could have followed either direction. Logically I could not come up with a solution. Part of me felt that I was not emotionally or spiritually mature enough for a relationship. Another part of me recognized many positive developments that had occurred since we had become friends. One night I asked for some guidance from my heart. Then next morning the answer was clearly to invest in this relationship.
Over the next three months I grew even closer to this person. We entered the relationship with three main agreements:

1) The primary purpose of the relationship was to grow our individual self-awareness. We would learn from the partnership more about Who We Really Are. And for that reason personal transformation was embraced and endorsed.
2) We were both individually responsible for our own emotional states. Happiness was not going to be something our partner gave us, it was something we would learn to foster on our own. In other words we were both accountable for our own life experiences.
3) Because our focus was directed inward, acceptance of the other would come natural. We would do our best to allow each other to be free to make their own decisions in life. We are all responsible for our individual consequences.

In late January something started stirring in me. I realized that I had drifted from my simple spiritual path. A variety of factors may have contributed to this. For example in researching Mind Body Medicine I encountered other spiritual concepts and was applying them to my daily perceptions. Before the relationship started, I had communicated with my spiritual teacher and was instructed to follow my own heart more and stop relying on him for answers. Those factors had allowed me to create exceptions in some very simple teachings. For example an individual practicing this path of Kriya Yoga should accomplish freedom before starting a relationship. This means becoming debt free and free of ongoing obligations (such as raising kids to an age of 18). The chosen partner should also share a spiritual path as their number one priority in addition to being free themselves. It was clear to me at this point that I needed to re-devote myself to my path. There is no "one" correct path, and many people longing to evolve spiritually struggle to find one that they can trust (there is no worldly way to validate a path). I'm fortunate to have one fall into my lap. Although there is no logical way for me to describe why it is the path for me... there is a deep feeling or knowing or certainty that has guided me strongly through the occasional ego created doubts. I did not want to look at the truth staring in my face... this relationship needed to change. This all developed over the course of 12 hours, and it was impossible to ignore. With much reluctance I finally communicated this to my female friend.
We both experienced deep emotional pain as a result of this break up. I felt anger towards my path, sadness due to this loss, regrets for having started the relationship and guilt for having hurt her so deeply. But the one quote remained in my mind throughout this period was:
Know whatever comes to you UNEXPECTED to be a gift from God, which will surely serve you if you use it to the fullest. It is only that which you strive for out of your own imagination, that gives you trouble.
I kept diligently applying some of the tools for digesting emotions which I have developed for my Mind Body Program. I avoided any distractions. I focused on the physical feeling of the emotions and labeled them as opposed to analyzing the "why" of the situation. And I kept returning to the concept that everything happens for a reason and there was a deep purpose for this.
After about three days of intense emotions a thought occurred to me: if we both entered this relationship consciously NOT relying on each other as a source of happiness... why does this hurt so much? At that point I realized that I had unconsciously attached an expectation of happiness to our relationship in many ways. At moments that I felt funky during this relationship my thoughts would immediately resort to imagining our time together. Or I would imagine future activities which I would anticipate would bring happiness. I had inadvertently stopped accepting the moment of "Now" and was putting all my "happiness eggs in one basket" the imagined relationship. This might seem harmless but in some ways this is the cause of all suffering. We attach our mental energy to the future to bring a fake mentally constructed happiness to the present moment, instead of reconciling with what is actually there to cultivate real inner happiness.
During this same time in my life the Universe brought three other sources of information which all had the same message... live in the moment of now. With this renewed enthusiasm I began to lift from the pain of the experience. I also found myself living in the moment with more and more ease than I had ever before.
My female friend despite the break up actually remained a close friend. We are still learning to grow our self-awareness and are learning to reconcile.
A powerful tool that has come to me at this time is the book: The Presence Process written by Michael Brown. This author also reinforces the importance of the moment of "Now" and provides an 11 week tool that helps grow this connection. His program actually mirrored the concepts that underlie my own Mind Body Medicine program and has helped fill in some of the "puzzle pieces". At the time of this writing, I'm on week 3 of this process and plan to share my experience later.
Ironically many of the people in my life and in my friend's life disapproved of both the initiation of the relationship and the break up. It seems that our culture has a tendency to resist change. Despite this reflex reaction it is clear to me that my heart led me into this relationship and that it also led me through a change in the status of the relationship for a very specific reason. It was humbling, opened me to experiencing my own emotions more intimately, led to deep insights about the cause of suffering and there are probably many other reasons.
So as my life experiences continue, I find myself trusting my heart more and my conventional logic less. As long as my intentions are pure I can rest comfortably that my life experiences, painful or not, are collaborating to gently expand my self-awareness.

A Little Bit of Magic

As soon as the loving presence returned, my three hour long kriya meditation become much more peaceful. My mind did not race as much and I was not so antsy. My daily affirmations developed much more power. I could truly feel gratitude and love when saying them. I believe that aligning our affirmations with that true emotional state is what makes them much more effective. Love is what gives our thoughts their creative fuel. I noticed negative emotions and thoughts much less frequently and if they popped up I could affirm them away. I also noticed my body smelled better! This is kind of weird but I am going to include it here... both my body odor and my urine smelled sweet (and still do)!!! Its bizarre but an affirmation of transformation none the less:)
The affirmations kept coming. For example my 10 year old car had been having electrical problems on and off monthly since June 2009. The check engine light would turn on suddenly while driving and I would lose all power. If I just restarted the engine everything worked okay. Well I had been reading in Louise Hay's book that even the physical world responds to the power of our thoughts. It occurred to me that these random electrical problems could be possibly responding to a "bad vibe" I was putting out. Armed with that insight I walked towards my car one day glowing with the love buzz after a beautiful meditation. I thought to myself "the car won't have any problems today because I feel so good". Well after one block of driving my car shut off!!! I was baffled. It was not until later that day that I recalled from several spiritual sources that the Universe only recognizes positive statements. Words of negation (no or not) get ignored. Hence I had basically focused my thoughts on exactly what I didn't want... my car to break down! And the power of love doesn't guarantee a particular outcome, it just gives power to our thoughts. Needless to say I have learned quickly to change my language to positive statements, especially when I'm feeling good. For example now I think... boy its great to have this car which hums like a fine tuned machine:) (Since writing this last section, I have been tempted to erase or change it because of further experiences with my "check engine" light. Over time it has become clear to me that I DON'T have the slightest clue how I'm effecting its operation, but it is obvious that I'm effecting it. For example, it stayed lit for about three months lately until I brought my car to the mechanic for an unrelated problem. They did nothing accept have the car for a day and look under the hood. The light was off when I got the car back and stayed off for about one day. The same thing has happened several times. Suggesting to me that my presence if effecting its operation, but I'm unable to link it to my thoughts or emotions!)
I also noticed improvements with my interpersonal relationships. Louise Hay suggests that everyone has both positive and negative seeds (in regards to personality) and we can choose to draw either out of the person. Not only does our behavior when we're with them influence this, but she contends that even our MENTAL IMAGE that we carry of that person will attract a matching response. This spiritual principle is known as samyama. I realized there were several people I feared whenever I thought of them because of past experiences. And even to this date I tended to have interactions with them that generated fear in me. I figured... what do I have to lose! So I started some intense forgiving and loving affirmations while imagining these individuals. I also kept close tabs on my thoughts through out the day and if I noticed myself think of them and feeling fear... I would immediately draw up my love buzz and picture the individual. Over several weeks it seemed as if I was healing my mental images and cultivating a healthy mind. And the truly amazing thing was that without even directly forgiving or treating these people differently our interactions started to change. I was treated with more respect by them and there were no new fear generating experiences! Mind boggling!!
Needless to say this is strongly reinforcing my spiritual goal to love all beings in all situations. Now I'm attempting to love everything that I used to shirk away from... bills, my pager, my foreclosing home. Some days are easier than others. But even after experiencing other strong emotions, I am eventually able to find my loving presence again and again.

The Love Buzz Comes Back

As the Universe would have it, I got a little jump start spiritually in late October 2009. It happened innocently and unexpectedly. I became aware of an attraction I had for a woman who I interacted with professionally. When this became conscious to me, I also realized the attraction was affecting my behaviors around this person. In the light of my value of transparency I knew that I had to communicate this to that woman. And so I did. I emailed her. Eventually we communicated and I told her that in my opinion I was not spiritually mature enough for a relationship. I believe happiness comes from within and until I have better control over my emotional state I will not be ready for a serious relationship. I feel that I need to be 100% whether I am with a partner or not, so as to avoid the common mistake of depending on the other for something that only I can foster... happiness. That common dependency often leads to both partners losing touch with their own inner passion in an attempt to be someone they think their partner wants. And of course when you lose touch with your inner passion, no one is happy any more.
Well I figured after communicating all this the pressure would be gone and we could go about our usual business. That was a miscalculation! It turns out the attraction was mutual and the more we opened up to each other about our feelings the more powerful the energy between us was. In fact this energy was nearly crippling and could not be ignored. Interestingly enough it seemed to be an entity of its own. Neither one of us had intentions to proceed with a romantic relationship on a rational level, but apparently our unconscious minds had a different idea. I was in a bind. The energy could not be suppressed, ignored or acted upon. But it occurred to me that if I could just somehow get this energy to move up to my chest... I would have my love buzz back again. I then recalled one of my favorite quotes:
Know whatever comes to you UNEXPECTED to be a gift from God, which will surely serve you if you use it to the fullest. It is only that which you strive for out of your own imagination, that gives you trouble.
I also remembered a statement by Yogananda that whenever you find yourself having a bond with another soul, know that this is special and you must have had experiences together in past lives! When you encounter this bond, it is an opportunity to learn how to grow a divine relationship.
So with that knowledge I knew that I must be careful to approach this relationship in the Highest Way. And that's what I did. It was clear that we were brought together so that we could learn to express and evolve our Higher Selves. More over this woman was at a stage in her life where she was ready for personal improvement. She gave me a copy of one of her favorite books "You Can Heal Yourself" by Louise Hay. I highly recommend checking her out.
Louise's book reminded me how our thoughts powerfully create future experiences. Her insights plus all of the affirmations were just the tools I needed at just the right time. That combined with insights gleaned during my Kriya Yoga practice helped me to define and foster a special relationship with this person. At the time of this writing it is still a work in progress, but my heart is telling me how to proceed. We thoroughly enjoy each others company and are learning rapidly about ourselves.
The most beautiful byproduct of this is my love buzz! It has come back! It is not as strong as last Christmas nor is it constant, but I can pull it up daily! I can feel what thoughts, words and actions are uplifting and which ones down pulling.  I can feel what creates harmony in the mind body spirit connection. It is so affirming to know that with persistence and impeccability I am able to nourish the love light. Honestly it is a tiny little light. I cannot even say I feel "happy" when its on, but it already proving to be quite magical!

Emotional Clean Up and Rebuild

August 2009 came and I finally had space to breathe metaphorically.  On a practical level the clean up of my old life was largely done, however on an emotional and spiritual level it was clear that I had lots to accomplish.  Not only was my love buzz gone, but I was getting tugged around by my cravings.  When I feel emotionally balanced I just like eating right and exercising and sexual cravings are at a minimum.  Lets just say that in August I was not emotionally balanced.  I was having to suppress these desires which I know is not healthy. 
So I made some changes.  I was inspired by three books at this time:
1)  When Everything Changes, Change Everything;  by Neale Donald Walsch
2)  Intimacy;  by Osho
3)  The Eternal Quest;  by Yoganada
They all recommended the same advice... meditate.  So that's what I did.  Instead of just meditating in the morning, I added an evening session (close to four hours total daily!).  Yoganada inspired me to use more self discipline.  So instead of caving into my desires to sleep in and drink coffee everyday, I forced some changes in behavior (the true spiritual paradox is when to just embrace and accept a situation versus when to change).  Yogananda also reminded me how important it is to keep a continual dialogue with the Higher Consciousness.  At first this was hard because I no longer had my passion, I no longer felt the presence.  It seemed like I was just faking this internal conversation.  But I kept at it.  Whenever I found my thoughts drifting through out the day I reoriented them towards the idea that a Higher Consciousness was right there with me.  I was honest with this partner.  I felt anger at God for losing my natural high.  I was frustrated I did not have that natural passion.  So I just said to God, this is all I got right now.  I was persistent and intent, but I didn't have the emotional power to back it up.  I prayed for that passion and asked for that loving presence to return.
I understood that this was just a phase in the many seasons of my life.  I felt lonely and uneasy at this time, but instead of trying to distract myself from these emotions I allowed them to be.  I did my best to just embrace the situation and let life bring opportunities to me.  Whenever I felt a craving, I reminded myself that lasting happiness cannot be found there and I would mentally cling to the Higher Consciousness.  
Very subtle changes started to occur.  I noticed more spontaneous opportunities to help others arise (this is the most powerful fuel for evolution) and I took advantage of every one.  I frequently made a mental note that I could let go of whatever expectations I had for the future if the Universe showed me a better path.  As these weeks progressed I became intertwined in more lives which started to lift my mood.  People started to come to me for advice which helped generate a feeling of self worth.  Any doubts I had about successfully applying the "tall promises" of Mindbody Medicine were fading away.  I was learning more and more tools to heal old emotions.
During this period I also spent hours reflecting on my past with journaling and using the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to let go of old traumas.  I knew my efforts were being rewarded, but progress was slow at this time.   

The Dust Settles

Despite attempts to keep the family together, it became apparent it was a painful lost cause.  I was strong in my intent and my wife understandably could not join the passion.  She deeply wanted me to just "snap out of it".  Every decision she tried to make was like walking on broken glass.  She could not live life comfortably and also share my priorities. 
During this period of time I noticed my love buzz disappearing.  I could pull it back if I closed my eyes and focused or stopped talking, but it was not there spontaneously.  I also saw my old personality reappearing.  This was a difficult time.  I felt the world trying to force me back into the old role of Roger and I was losing my natural internal resolve.  I started to question whether this epiphany was real.  Just at this time I was reading more of the Cyberspace Ashram for more inspiration... and I got it.  I encountered a post called "Layers of Aura" .  This page described how some individuals can have there negative aura (which obscures our spiritual abilities) dissolved by some "outside help" to create a spontaneous spiritual experience.  And this is most likely to happen on December 24th or 25th due to the worldly loving atmosphere!!  This chapter created just the fuel I needed to realize that not only what happened was real, but that I was given a once in a lifetime chance to evolve! 
I saw no other option but to ask for a divorce.  I could not survive spiritually in that environment and my kids were getting exposed to more marital turmoil due to our opposing priorities. 
I continued to devour the website and finished it in April 2008.  At that point I was not sure of my spiritual path.  I imagined opening a holistic donation based clinic and living in the country.  However my wife had moved with the kids down to Metro-Detroit.  A divorce was pending and I learned that the court could force me to pay support based on my previous income.  I was confused.  At this point I communicated with the author of the website (he was the only person I trusted).  I was surprised that he recommended reconciling with my wife and definitely moving to Detroit to be available to my kids.  He confirmed that my dream clinic would have to wait until I satisfied the expenses of a divorce.  In fact true spiritual progress might not start until my kids were 18 years old. 
The delay was okay with me, as long as I had a clear path.  Between April and August of 2008 I undertook a major life overhaul.  I finalized a divorce, closed my clinic in Petoskey, moved my family and myself and let me home slip into foreclosure (I had no choice).  I opened a new clinic and decided to completely change the way I practice medicine to Mind Body Medicine.  I discovered travel neurology as a way to meet my expenses.  I also did my very best to be loving and accepting of my wife during the divorce process. 
After the dust settled in August and I finally found myself with a few spare moments I was concerned to discover I could no longer generate my love buzz even though I had been practicing the Kriya Yoga meditation!  Something needed to change.